


We'll Be On Television, Arthur.

by slashmania



Series: 50 Thousand Words (from October to December!) [8]
Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Arthur pretends to be the person Eames is cheating with, Babe - Freeform, Eames coaxes Arthur into using endearments, Eames pretends to date the mark's friend to gather information, I don't know about you, M/M, but I'd watch a show called Two-Timers, ever watch Cheaters?, the friend thinks he's cheating on her, the truth is that Arthur and Eames are in love!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2021-01-13 23:09:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21243152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slashmania/pseuds/slashmania
Summary: Arthur sighed once more. “Fine. I’ll see you tomorrow. Sleep well...babe.”Eames smiled over how carefully Arthur pronounced the endearment. “That was lovely. It gets easier every time, doesn’t it?”“I still don’t understand why you insist on making me say it.”





	We'll Be On Television, Arthur.

**Author's Note:**

> Day 8: Discovery  
3498 words

“I really can’t talk right now,” Eames whispered into his phone, trying to not let his voice carry too much in the bathroom. He hadn’t been spoiled for choice when he’d gotten the call.

“You got yourself into this, Eames,” Arthur said flatly. “We have to meet tomorrow whether you’ve got time for it or not.”

Eames cursed, looked around the bathroom that was well decorated by the woman he was currently hiding from to make this call private.

“I said I was sorry,” Eames whispered to Arthur. “If I had a better option I would have taken it. I’ll see you tomorrow and we’ll do whatever you want, okay?”

Arthur chuckled. “Really? We’ll actually do whatever I want?”

Eames smiled a little. He looked at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. Still using one hand to hold the phone against his ear, Eames used his free hand to run one hand through his hair. As if mussed hair that Arthur couldn’t actually see at the moment, mussed hair before going to bed with the mark’s _best friend _was a crime.

“As long as it isn’t work, darling. Additional work may just drive me mad. The work I’m doing right now is driving me mad.”

“Only you would call being someone’s boyfriend _work_.”

“Never with you, though,” Eames said, assuring Arthur. “Our relationship isn’t work. It’s actually one of my favorite ways to spend my time. Do you know that I rank spending time with you above gambling? And you know how much I love gambling!”

“You love to cheat at it, Eames. But either way, it’s still nice to hear that you like spending time with me even when we are working. From all your talk to Cobb before the inception of Robert Fischer, I’d imagine that working with me is less than fun.”

“I can’t believe Cobb told you that I said that! You can’t see me doing it, but I’m raising my right hand and swearing honesty,” Eames said, doing the action just as he explained to Arthur. “I swear to you that I only said that to Cobb so he wouldn’t know that I’d join the team anyway if you were on it. I couldn’t let him believe that I’m _easy_ to call in for jobs if he mentioned your name. Even if he’s calling me up for an insane job that could get me stuck in Limbo forever.”

“I’m completely reassured then, go ahead and put down your hand and stop swearing. We’ll meet up tomorrow for lunch, no work involved,” Arthur said. But he paused for a moment.

Eames smirked to himself, now imagining what Arthur’s facial expression was.

“Come on, we’ve agreed to this concession. No one can hear us.”

“I feel stupid,” Arthur complained.

“Please?”

Arthur sighed and asked, “You’re alone?”

“Arthur, I’m standing in a bathroom by myself. It’s just me, my reflection in the mirror, and maybe some mascots from the cleaning products beneath the sink. I think that this exchange will be kept secret between you and me. I’m certain that Mr. Clean and the Scrubbing Bubbles will be respectful.”

Arthur asked again, “But _she_ can’t hear you?”

“I told her I needed to wash up before bed and I doubt she has her ear pressed to the bathroom door. Now quit stalling, darling.”

Arthur sighed once more. “Fine. I’ll see you tomorrow. Sleep well...babe.”

Eames smiled over how carefully Arthur pronounced the endearment. “That was lovely. It gets easier every time, doesn’t it?”

“I still don’t understand why you insist on making me say it.”

Eames could have explained it. He could have, but he wouldn’t because that wasn’t really what Arthur was asking for. Arthur was a human being, he understood love and devotion, he felt those things, but damn it, he had the most difficult time saying any of it out loud.

Arthur _showed_ Eames how much he cared by doing any number of things that were helpful or kind or sweet (but, oh he glared so darkly when Eames even vaguely mentioned it to someone else).

Arthur was a private person. He didn’t like the extra attention, and he was hard pressed to do anything demonstrative in public. Arthur didn’t like nicknames or endearments, though he never really stopped Eames from assigning any.

“Are you literally going to stand in the bathroom and prolong this call just so I have to say it twice?”

“No, I’m testing to see how long it will take Alice to knock on the door.”

This time Arthur was silent, maybe going over different replies, but most likely glaring at something in his vicinity.

“If I was there I’d be able to redirect her attentions...”

“Arthur. Darling. Love of my life. What have we talked about?”

Arthur huffed out a sigh. “I can’t threaten to shoot people and things.”

“And?”

“...that I also need to use my words. In this case saying ‘Stop annoying my boyfriend’ would blow your cover.”

And then Eames sighed.

“Look, there’s one other thing I have to tell you while I’m in here. Have you heard of that show _Two-Timers_?”

After listening for a moment, Arthur sighed and said, “Fuck. Work’s back on, and we’ll reschedule that lunch.”

* * *

“So how’s your girlfriend doing, Eames,” Ariadne asked, fairly chipper after the group gathered in the warehouse to discuss what was going wrong.

“We’re not talking about that till I make sure that we’re not bugged,” Arthur said, carefully checking all possible locations around their workspace for mics or video recording devices.

“I’m bugged,” Eames said sadly, causing Arthur to stop what he was doing and stare at him, his eyes narrowed. Eames glared back and said, “Not like _that_. It’s been a week, love, and she already thinks I’m cheating on her!”

Arthur continued to stare at him. “You said that you’d be able to get all the information you need about the mark as long as you _pretended_ to be Alice’s boyfriend. That was the only reason why I agreed to this insanity.”

Yusuf frowned as he sat around not touching any chemistry equipment. He was keeping himself busy by tossing a tennis ball in the air, catching it, and then tossing it in the air again. “It’s highly unlikely that we’ve been bugged. But I’m sorry to agree that this Alice seems to be suspicious of you, Eames.”

“I was followed as soon as I left Alice’s place,” Eames said. “I took a different route, and I lost them on the way here.”

“Are you certain of that? If these jackasses start setting up surveillance on us just to catch you cheating on Alice-” Arthur stopped midsentence and shut up.

“Arthur?” Ariadne asked, watching as Arthur was thinking of something he didn’t want to verbalize.

“Give us a minute, please,” Eames asked both Ariadne and Yusuf. The pair left without questioning him, leaving Eames and Arthur by themselves.

“Darling,” Eames began, getting out of his chair and approaching Arthur, who hadn’t moved to his chair even after he’d made the second sweep of the warehouse to look for possible surveillance equipment. “Let’s talk about it.”

It was something they were very good at. If they had a problem, big or small, they’d talk. Their communication skills were excellent, even if it was something that Arthur clearly was embarrassed or worried over.

“I’m going to look like the one you’re cheating with when it’s the opposite.”

“Hardly. Our relationship predates what she _thinks_ is her relationship. I’m an underhanded bastard for getting information about the mark this way, but you’d be surprised that so much of her pillow talk involves a detailed retelling of all the stuff that her best friend says and does.”

Arthur frowned. “I know that. I’ve read the information you’ve collected in just a week.”

And then Eames got an inkling of what was bothering Arthur about this.

“You know that I don’t have sex with her, yes?”

Arthur scoffed, but Eames could tell. He could always tell when he hit the mark.

“I’d breakup with you if I thought that.”

“You see, love, at the very start when I met her online I expressed how I wanted to take things slow.”

Eames had managed to wrap his arms around Arthur. It prevented Arthur from pulling a gun. Arthur also _liked_ hugs from Eames, even though he’d never say it out loud. Eames could feel Arthur relaxing against him, even hugging him back a little.

“How slow is slow?” Arthur asked.

“Do you remember when we got started?”

“Yes, the last few months have been nice.”

Eames laughed. “You’re so sweet, Arthur. How surprised would you be if I told you that I’ve been trying to start a relationship with you since the first day we met?”

“Love at first sight is a lie, Mr. Eames. I didn’t even like you a little bit back then,” Arthur muttered against Eames’s neck, and the way he hugged Eames tighter conflicted with his words.

“We’ll I can say that I was just attracted to you at the start, Arthur.”

“Thank god I didn’t let you hit that,” Arthur said in a dry tone. Eames couldn’t help but laugh over Arthur saying the phrase _hit that._

“And even if you offered to let me hit that_,_ I might have politely declined because I knew how important this was going to be later on. As the years passed I grew to like several things about you that included more than just the clothes you wear, your hand to hand combat skills, and the fact that your dimples are simply adorable. I grew to love you, and even though you were very resistant to the concept, I believe that we’re a fine match.” Eames pressed a kiss against Arthur’s lips, smiling as he pulled away.

“Alice is not my match. Alice is a little paranoid from past encounters with men who haven’t treated her well. She’s been burned one too many times by cheating partners, so she’s become vigilant. She will always suspect cheating even if there isn’t a reason. I’ve given her one too many reasons to suspect me, though I’ve been kind as Brett, a 32 year old software developer who loves dogs!”

“And the lack of sex makes her believe that you’re cheating on her with someone else. I didn’t think you’d lost interest in me during the many years long courtship I’m only just learning about.”

“I believe that’s a difference in personality and past experience. Has anyone cheated on you in the past, darling?”

Arthur thought about it, and then shook his head. “No.”

“I bet they didn’t dare!”

“No, I just haven’t had many relationships. And when I do get involved with another person, I tend to make absolutely certain that we're compatible. Mostly I haven’t bothered doing that because my job gets in the way.”

“But you finally fell for me! And we work together, so neither of us has to lie about what we’re doing for work.”

“This has to be one of the most unprofessional things I’ve done while discussing a job,” Arthur commented, still not letting go of Eames.

“But do you feel a little better now?”

Arthur pulled away a little. Eames noticed the way the other man’s smile lingered before Arthur attempted to get back into an on the job mindset.

“So she suspects that you’re cheating on her because you’ve not responded to any of her blatant hints that sex is on the table.”

“Honestly, it’s only been a week. I’ve stayed over a couple of times, she’s sweet and kind, but when I politely tell her that I’m not ready for that she thinks the worst.”

Arthur frowned to himself, and Eames was about to initiate another hug to distract him from the worry when Ariadne and Yusuf stuck their heads back into the warehouse door.

“Are we interrupting something?” Ariadne politely asked.

“We could leave again so you can make out with Eames and establish your dominance over Eames’s girlfriend,” Yusuf chimed in.

Arthur turned his head and looked at Yusuf. “I’m dating Eames in real life, so I’m already the winner. I don’t have to do anything else. Threatening her with a gun would be excessive.”

“I appreciate your restraint, darling.”

Yusuf and Ariadne entered the warehouse again and returned to their seats.

Arthur and Eames moved to their own seats next to each other.

“Now that we’ve confirmed that no one is listening in on our conversations, it’s time to talk about how in the hell we’re going to deal with it,” Arthur said to the team.

Eames picked up the rather thick file folder Arthur had handed him once he’d walked through the door. Yusuf and Ariadne did the same while Arthur kept his closed.

“I’ve put together all the information I could find about _Two-Timers_. It’s a hidden camera show about assisting people who believe their significant other is cheating on them. Investigators collect potentially damning information by bugging phones, tailing the “cheating” partner and taking video. They usually secure hard evidence of the cheating-”

“They get footage of these people screwing?” Yusuf asked, interrupting Arthur midsentence.

“Usually it’s something brief to just serve as proof. Other times it’s just meetings for dinner or lunch that end up leading to going to either person’s house or to a motel, where the investigators give the hosts information about the length of time for the visits.”

“The show has been running for several years and it’s popular,” Eames added. “I suspected that she had gotten in contact with them early on, as ridiculous as it is, and they accepted the job of stalking me to figure out if I’m actually cheating.”

“I believe that we can spin this a few ways but we’ll definitely have to postpone the extraction on Alice’s friend. I’d prefer it if this hidden camera investigation nonsense ends sooner rather than later. We have more than enough information on our mark, we’ll do the a little later job, and we’ll get out of this city. Or state. I’m thinking of going on a vacation after this is over,” Arthur said.

Then Arthur looked at Eames and said, “I think in a couple of days we’ll meet for lunch somewhere with outdoor seating. I’ll look up a few options and tell you when you meet me later at my motel room.”

“You don’t have one,” Eames answered.

“I’ll get one under an assumed name that won’t be connected to this job. I’ll text you the address.”

Ariadne eyed Arthur and Eames silently before suggesting, “Keep the blinds closed. Don’t let them see your face unless it’s unavoidable.”

“It’s okay, Ariadne,” Arthur answered with a smile before speaking directly to Eames. “You will go home later and tell Alice that you’ve got to go and see your coworker about something important. Those _Two-Timer_ investigators will follow you to my motel and get the last bit of evidence they think they need to prove Alice right. Then they’ll confront us.”

“I can’t believe that this is what we’ve done with our meeting today,” Yusuf groused before reaching for his tennis ball again to play catch.

* * *

“Do you see them yet?”

“No, continue to look engrossed by your sandwich. Maybe touch me a little.”

“Like this?” Arthur asked, reaching across the table to touch the back of Eames’s hand.

“Now you look really determined, as if you’re sure that the BLT is going to tell you what you want to know any second.”

Arthur broke into a smile, looking away from the BLT, now holding Eames’s hand as they had lunch and waited to get surprised by Alice showing up with the host of _Two-Timers_ and the camera crew.

“Are you ready to be found out?”

“As ready as I can be, really. Alice seemed very nervous when I was leaving this morning.”

“She might have been waiting for the cheating to be confirmed then. You know, video of you driving up to the motel, knocking on my door, and then me pulling you inside by your shirt collar.”

“I think you had way too much fun doing that, love.”

Arthur smirked. “I had much more fun debating with you on what the appropriate length of time a tryst should be. You know how much I love accuracy.”

“And the actual sex we had was secondary to your love of debate and accuracy. I’ve done this to myself. I spent years working my way into your heart, so I know what you really love.”

Eames sighed to himself, then did a check of the table. No knives or other sharp objects, the waitress had taken away their glasses for refills so no hot or cold beverages could be thrown on either of them when Alice showed up to loudly call Eames out. In front of cameras and other people on the street.

“Hey,” Arthur said, gently squeezing Eames’s hand. “Stop worrying over this.”

“We’ll be on television, Arthur. I know you don’t like that.”

Arthur shrugged. “They can’t show our faces without our signed consent. We can’t stop them from filming us because we’re in a public place. And even though neither of us will get our faces on TV, we look good.”

Eames leaned closer to Arthur and smiled for him. “You’re the best at cheering me up, darling. You wouldn’t believe how upset Alice was when I came home smelling like your brand of cologne.”

“What about the hickey?”

“She didn’t see me with my pants off.”

“I worked really hard on that one, babe.”

Eames’s smile widened. “Say that again.”

“Babe,” Arthur said, “I think that you’re being ridiculous.”

“Once more, please?”

“Are they here now? Are they close?” Arthur whispered.

Eames nodded shallowly. He had the best view of the parking lot, the vans, and the guys with video cameras trailing after the host of the show and a tearful Alice. She’s spotted them and as already walking fairly quickly to get to their table!

“I promise that I won’t threaten to shoot her. I’m your boyfriend, who’s discovered that you have been stringing that poor woman along. If she doesn’t try to start a slap fight or rip out my hair, I might just be the voice of reason.”

“I like your hair just the way it is,” Eames commented. “Remember, just one more time?”

Arthur rolled his eyes and said in voice loud enough for Alice to hear as she got close enough to the street. “I don’t know why you’re so worried, babe. It’s not like anything bad is going to happen while we’re out here, right?”

_“Brett, you sack of crap! I knew that you were cheating on me! I knew it! And what do you have to say for yourself? Trying to take my man, trying to ruin my relationship!”_

The cameras were on them and Alice was ready to fight, but not sure who to take on first.

“I meant to explain to you,” Eames was saying, his natural accent stripped. “I really was going to, but it’s only been a week and-”

Alice was tearful and angry already, but after Eames referenced the very short time of their relationship, she grew more upset.

“It doesn’t matter that it’s only been a week! I thought we had a good connection! And you!”

She turned to look at the peaceful Arthur, who to his credit, hadn’t reached for his gun. Just like he promised. Eames wasn’t even sure if Arthur had it! But then he knew that Arthur could defend himself without a gun. That he was also unlikely to really hurt Alice, because the man had already said as much.

Arthur was the best. Arthur would always be the best. Even if this scenario was just something that happened accidently while on the job, Eames couldn’t have hoped for a better person to be at his side (or across the table) at this moment.

“I’m not going to call you a cheater or a two-timer,” Arthur said to Alice in that careful measured way of his. “You had no idea that Brett was already in a relationship with me. We’ve been together forever, were not likely to separate even after this nonsense, and I’m going to politely ask you to stop yelling.”

Alice blinked at Arthur then looked at Eames. “Is- is that true, honey?”

Eames was thinking about all the little things he was going to have to do to help Arthur with the extraction being postponed.

Sweet-talk the client for the extension. Most likely bribe the mark’s dentist to put off the appointment where, if this hadn’t happened, the mark would have been put under and the extraction would have taken place in the office. Arthur had mentioned wanting a vacation. Maybe a vacation would be a nice gesture, too.

Eames stole a glance at Arthur, who still sat serene and unworried.

“Yes.”


End file.
